


Do or Die

by vampireisthenewblack



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Fuck Or Die, Hand Jobs, M/M, New Moon AU, Slash, Twilight Kink Fest, VampSlash, Volturi, twikinkfest, twislash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-17
Updated: 2011-12-17
Packaged: 2017-10-27 11:02:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/295108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampireisthenewblack/pseuds/vampireisthenewblack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Twilight Kink Fest. Prompt: Fuck or Die.</p><p>[This fic holds the dubious honour of being the only fic I've ever had yanked from FFn for TOS violations.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do or Die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mab_di](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=mab_di).



> Prompt: Fuck or Die, Edward. I don't care how it happens. Maybe an evil vampire injects E w/vampire semen and the result is that he needs vamp semen to survive, needs it daily, worse than blood. Without it he's weak, in pain...dying. He can take it orally or anally. Craves it all ways. As long as he gets enough he's stable. Any vamp can satisfy him but I'd like to see Jasper or C or Em even claim/demand the sole responsibility for keeping E alive.

"You should have left me there," I whisper. After the men of my family collected me from the Volturi dungeons, they tried to take me straight to the airport, but I demanded we wait. "They did something to me, Carlisle. Something that can't be undone."

Carlisle knows the Volturi too well. He imagines the rape—Caius behind me.

"Yes," I hiss. I can't look him in the eye. He wants to touch me, to comfort me, but he's afraid I might take it the wrong way.

As if I'd refuse him.

Quickly I discovered I couldn't go a day without it. A day and I was in pain, screaming, trying to hide it as I begged one of them to fuck me. Nausea is something I thought I'd never experience again, but I have. Disgust at my own actions. My depravity, the level to which I stoop to save my own life after I watched Alice and Bella die in front of me.

It's been twenty-one hours since I knelt at Demetri's feet while he gave me what I needed to survive but already I feel the need again.

"I'm in pain, Carlisle." My stomach clenches in proof and I hunch over.

Carlisle is horrified. He searches my body with his eyes but he can't see the evidence of physical damage.

"You won't see anything."

"Edward, tell me please. What is it? What can I do? What do you need?"

I look up, straight into his eyes. "I need..." How can I ask for this? How can I tell him? When all I can think about is getting his cock into me, one way or another?

I tear my eyes away from his and fight the urge to vomit. I can't bear to see the horror on his face, don't want to hear it in his mind. I try to block him out, but I can't.

"Edward?"

I shake my head. "You should have left me there. Get the others, get on a plane. Leave me here in this room. It'll be over in a matter of hours."

"Edward... I don't understand. What's happened?"

"They tried to kill me. By fucking me—"

Carlisle cringes at my profanity.

"—he poisoned me. I don't know the science of it, Carlisle. Maybe it's magic, I don't know, but I  _will_  die without it. I read his mind. They intended to kill me. The things I've had to do to stay alive, Carlisle... You should just let me die."

Carlisle stares at me, his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open. "How...?" Grief overwhelms him. "I can't let you die."

In his mind, I see the truth. It almost killed him when he thought I was dead already.

"It doesn't matter who." I stare at my hands folded in my lap. Filthy hands. They look spotless but I know they are sullied by the things they've done to other men. "I'm damned, Carlisle, but if you want me to live, I'll live. Just find me someone."

"I won't," he says, raising his head, lifting his chin. "I won't let anyone else touch you." He reaches out for me and takes my hand. "Tell me how it feels," he whispers.

"Carlisle...you don't have to..."

_If you must, Edward, then it should be with someone who loves you._

A dry sob rises out of my chest, and the pain is only partially to blame.

"Tell me how it feels," he repeats.

I can barely speak. "It burns," I rasp. "In here." I place my hand on my belly, low down. "Right now it's bearable, but soon I'll want to die. I'll scream."

"I won't let it get that far," he whispers. His fingers slide up my arm, to my shoulder. "Tell me what you need."

I can't bear to verbalise my need, and so I try to show him. I move closer to him, moving from the couch opposite him to the seat beside him, and I lean over him. I reach for his belt.

He inhales sharply and I look up. His eyes are wide.

"You don't have to do this," I whisper. "My god, Carlisle. Esme..."

He shakes his head and unbuckles his belt. "She'll understand," he whispers. His belt rattles and falls away, and he quickly unfastens his pants.

His mind is moving so fast I can barely keep up. Guilt and love and grief and sorrow and... Desire. His cock is hard and straining against his briefs.

I look up at him in confusion. "You want this?"

Panic crosses his features. "I'm sorry," he whispers, shaking his head. "God, Edward, I'm so sorry."

"No. I..." The only reason I took what I needed from the guard was because they were willing to give it. I won't lower myself to the level of the Volturi. "It's good."

I slide off the couch and onto the floor between Carlisle's knees and expose his cock.

This man has been my mentor, my father, for longer than anyone should rightfully remember. He is the constant in my life, the one I go to with any worry or trouble. I admire him more than anyone who walks the earth.

But I'm going to suck his cock because it will keep me alive.

I hold it at the base and he groans and closes his eyes. He can't bear to look at me while I do this because he wants me to do it so badly. As I lower my mouth over him, he cries out and fights the urge to hold onto me by the hair and thrust up into my mouth.

I've been doing this daily and I know how to make a man orgasm quickly because my pain and the disgust I felt demanded it of me. I whored myself out to save my life, and I'm doing the same here. I gag at the thought of how I'm using Carlisle, but I fight it. I must get it over and done with quickly.

But he wants this. He's getting as much pleasure from my mouth as Felix or Demetri or Alec got, but somehow it's not a perversion. He isn't taking pleasure in his power over me as they did.

He loves me.

I look up into his eyes. They are wide and black as night. "Please," he mouths.

My own cock is hard, aching, but I ignore it. I always do. Taking them inside my mouth stops the pain—I don't need any more than that. My own sexual needs are irrelevant, useful only to herald the crippling pain, to urge me to quench the thirst that could kill me.

When he comes, his venom soothes my insides immediately. The pain fades and dies away. His cock slips from between my lips and I climb back up onto the couch and hang my head. Shame settles in where the pain was and again I tell myself I'll die before I do it again.

Carlisle is different from the others. He strokes my head where the members of the guard would have kicked me to the ground and called me a whore. He soothes me with soft words and pulls me into his arms. And when the others return, he shoos them away because I can't face them, not now.

"Go home," he tells them. "We'll follow when Edward is better."

Carlisle takes me to London. The pain begins again on the plane and he sends me to the tiny bathroom, then he follows. He strokes my head gently as I bring him to orgasm. I still feel like a whore—I am a whore—but he cares for me, and it makes it bearable.

Still the shame comes after we are done. He leaves me alone in the bathroom and I slump down onto the toilet. I would cry if it were possible. That Carlisle must lower himself to these acts just to save my life breaks my heart.

The hotel room in London is vast, comfortable. Carlisle intends for us to stay a while. As soon as we arrive, he asks me to remove my clothes and he takes me to bed. "I'm sorry," I tell him, as he pulls the covers up to cover my body.

"Don't apologise," he says. "This isn't your fault." He strokes his fingertips over my jaw, my cheekbones. He wants to touch me, to comfort me. His fingers travel further, down my neck, over my chest. His fingernails graze a nipple, and I shudder.

"Is this all right?"

I nod, because it is pleasurable. I've tried hard to take no pleasure in any of this but I can't help myself. I want it, always. To be filled. To fuck. To be fucked. To suck cock and take their seed inside me. When Caius raped me, it was excruciating. When I gave myself to the guard, I was filled with disgust for myself—and they didn't care for my pleasure at all—but I loved it. I don't expect Carlisle to try to make it good for me, but because he is Carlisle, he wants me to find pleasure in something that was meant to kill me.

"You don't have to do this."

"I want to do this." His fingers slide further down, to caress my waist, to ghost over my hip. I start to harden and I try to fight it. I truly am a whore. Even though this is something that has been done to me, I find pleasure in it.

I sob and bury my face in Carlisle's shoulder, desperately trying to force my hips away from him so he won't know, but I can't, and as his fingernails scratch at my hip, I rock against him. I'm completely hard, achingly hard.

"May I touch you?" Carlisle asks.

I should say no. He shouldn't have to do this. But I can't say no. I can't say anything. With a whimper I move against him, and my hard cock comes into contact with his thigh. He takes it as assent, and then his hand is on me, stroking me. I cry out, and the combination of built-up frustration and denial, his tenderness and care, and my desperation has me coming hard and fast and violent. He catches it all in his hand, not a drop falls onto the sheets, then he lifts his hand to my lips and offers it to me.

 _Perhaps you can care for yourself,_  he thinks, and I wonder why I hadn't thought of it myself. Taking his wrist in my hands, I lick every drop from his palm and from his fingers, and then I lay my head against his chest.

"Thank you," I whisper.

It doesn't work. Within hours, I'm hungry for more but I can't bear to tell Carlisle that I need him again. So I hide myself away, retreating to the bedroom alone while he reads a book he brought with him. I'm weak, in pain, curled in on myself and fighting hard to stay quiet. I know I'm risking my own life, but the hope he had that I could take care of this myself will be dashed and I can't bear to give him the bad news.

Low down in my belly a fire rages. It eats me from the inside. I rock gently, my hands pressed into my stomach as if trying to hold myself together. Carlisle thinks I am masturbating and I do nothing to alter his belief. He thinks we have won, that he will no longer have to offer himself to me and we will be able to go home. He will be able to return to his wife.

An hour passes. Two. I cannot hold in the whimper that leaves me with each lick of the flames inside. The fire grows, spreading throughout my torso. Carlisle becomes concerned. He knows I'm not doing what he thought. Now he thinks I'm fighting it. He thinks I believe masturbation is wrong. He thinks I'm innocent, but he's so wrong.

I'm a whore, and I need him inside me. "Please," I whimper. I can't move, I'm too weak. "Carlisle, please." I don't want to die, though I deserve it.

He breaks the lock on the door and is at my side in seconds. "So foolish, Edward," he whispers as he turns me, running his hands over my body, looking for some physical hurt. "Tell me what to do."

I'm grinding my teeth against the pain. It's too dangerous to do what we've done before. I'll hurt him. "Fuck me," I rasp, my voice barely audible. "You have to fuck me."

He moves fast. He's too concerned to be aroused, and he's soft when he unfastens his pants and exposes his cock. He strokes himself quickly, his hand a blur, until he's hard, and then he spits in his hand and coats his cock in his own venom.

He hesitates. He doesn't want to remind me of Caius, of what he did to me. But time is of the essence. "I'm dying," I whisper, and I manage to push myself up onto my knees. "Please."

One of his hands settles on my hip and he holds me tightly. He's staring at my backside, at the hole he must penetrate, and he's afraid of hurting me. He inserts a finger between his lips, coating it in venom in order to prepare me.

"No time." I weaken further and fall onto my face and the only thing keeping me up is his hand holding me firmly. "Need you. Please."

He presses against me, the blunt head of his cock stretching my hole. But not enough. I try to press back, but I'm completely at his mercy. "Now," I beg.

Too slowly he pushes. Far too slowly. I shove back and Carlisle gasps in shock and surprise when I impale myself on him completely. "Quickly, Carlisle," I whisper. "Need you to come quickly."

Panicked, afraid he will be too late, he thrusts erratically, but I know he won't come. He's too stressed, too anxious. I'm weak, but I manage to speak. "Kiss me," I beg him, and using my final ounce of strength, I flip over and pull my knees into my chest.

He looks down at me in shock.

"I'm a whore," I whisper, and he hears me, sees the word on my lips.

"No," he mouths as he shakes his head, and then he leans down and presses his lips against mine. I arch up toward him and moan. The taste of Carlisle on my lips is beyond anything I could have imagined and I want him. I want him more than I've ever wanted anything, and I wrap my legs around him and pull him down. He grasps his cock at the base and pushes back inside me. He does not stop kissing me as he begins to thrust, gently rocking into me, and I can feel myself climbing with him.

"I'm going to come," I say, thinking he deserves to know. He cries out and his thrusts become erratic, but I'm already there and I spill between us as his lips find mine again and I realise that I'm coming despite my weakness, despite the burning pain in my gut, because of him.

I still need something from him. I need him to come inside me, to soothe the cramping hot needles in my belly. So I writhe beneath him, holding his hips tightly in my hands, pulling him deep inside me, and once more I beg him. "Please, Carlisle. I need you to come."

He comes harder than he has before, and as his orgasm fades, he feels guilt at the pleasure he's felt with me.

"You're helping me," I tell him. "I'd die without you."

He kisses me one last time before he pulls away from me, from my body, and he collapses beside me.

"What shall we do, Edward? How can we go back to the others like this?"

"I don't think we can. We can't hide this. You should leave me behind. Go back to your wife."

He's horrified. "I won't let you die, Edward. Ever. I'll make love to you every day until the end of existence to keep you alive. I'll give up my wife to keep you alive. I can't have both of you at once. I understand that. I will never abandon you. I do this because I don't trust anyone else to do it."

"So we won't ever return to them?"

He seems to consider for a moment. Then he speaks. "I think we should return for a time. To explain. We must be truthful with them, Edward. We can't do this any other way."

I turn away from him. I don't want to face them and have them know my shame, but I must.

It feels utterly foreign to be surrounded by what is left of my family after so long. The memories I hold are filled with Alice. Jasper is still cold and distant, lost without his mate. I want to stay out of their minds; I don't want to hear what they suspect of me but it's impossible to hide. They all can smell Carlisle's scent, thick on me, and mine on him. Esme refuses to believe what stares her in the face. Rosalie is smug, believing that my preferences must have always lain with men and that is the reason I rejected her so long ago. Emmett is puzzled at first, then upset that we should flaunt something of this nature in front of Esme but thinks perhaps that I am in some way mentally broken and unable to care for myself and that is the reason Carlisle's scent is so pervasive.

Jasper watches us both carefully, saying nothing. His mind is a constant swirl of Alice and pain, so the fact that he knows Carlisle and I are having sex is inconsequential to him.

"Edward and I will be leaving again," Carlisle says. I want to melt away into the floor. I want to disappear. I don't want him to tell them that I need, want, crave another man inside me and that if I don't get what I crave I will die.

Yet I can barely hide my need. It's been only twelve hours since we made love, yet I want again. I ache with it, and I cannot keep my eyes off Emmett or Jasper.

 _Deviant_ , Rose thinks when she notices me looking at her mate. She torments me with her memories of him, naked, hard, his hand on his cock, his cock dripping with pre-come. I close my eyes and moan, aware of my family surrounding me, and yet I cannot stop. I open my eyes and look to Carlisle, and he watches me with pity and concern in his eyes and mind, then reaches for my hand and squeezes it tightly.  _Soon_ , he thinks.  _We must be honest with them first._

 _The lust,_  Jasper thinks.  _I can't bear it. It's all coming from Edward. Something is wrong with him._

"Yes," I whisper as I look up at Jasper. His eyes are black with reflected lust. He takes deep breaths, scenting the air, tasting my arousal. He grows hard.

"What happened to you?" he asks. They are the first words he's spoken to me out loud since Alice died.

I can't bear to say, so I look to Carlisle for help. He squeezes my hand again and then he speaks. "It is well known that Caius is a deviant. While I was with the Volturi, he would take his pleasure with any condemned male before they were sent to the dungeons. It was believed that they starved down there. Certainly no humans were ever sent below to feed those imprisoned.

"What was not widely known is that Caius has a gift. Any he takes are cursed. Those sent to the dungeons did not starve. They died within a week for want of something entirely different."

It takes only moments for Carlisle's insinuations to sink in. A gasp comes from Esme, and her hand flies to her mouth. Dry sobs rack her chest, her pain and her thoughts taking me back to the excruciating agony I suffered at Caius's hand.

"Edward was raped," Rosalie whispers, and she reaches across the table to touch my hand. Her thoughts immediately grow softer, into a wordless apology. I hide my face, because I cannot bear her pity while I want her mate.

Emmett growls, deep in his chest. "We killed the wrong guy," he says. "We should have torn that fucker apart before we left that place."

I want him. I want that big, hard, leaking cock inside me, pounding into me, filling me up.

"There's something else," Jasper says. He breathes heavily as he speaks. "Something more. Why didn't Edward die like the others? What is keeping him alive? What does he want more than blood, Carlisle?"

Yet Jasper knows. He can feel it, the lust, the need, the want, radiating off me.  _Sex,_ he thinks.  _He needs sex to survive. He's addicted, and the lack of it will kill him._

I look up into Jasper's dark irises. "Yes," I hiss. My breathing matches his.

"How did you get it, down there? How did you survive without it in the dungeons?"

"My advantage was that I knew what I needed to live," I tell him. "I read it in Caius's mind afterward, when he sent me down there to die. The guards didn't know that they were what kept me alive. And I wanted it. I want it all the time." I can barely catch my breath and Jasper's breathing is in perfect sync with mine. I need him and he feels it. I can't stop myself. I stand up and reach out for him, and he matches my movements.

So does everyone else around the table. Carlisle stops me, pushes me out of the way and positions himself between Jasper and me. "No, Edward," he whispers, and in his mind,  _I'll give you what you need._

"Carlisle," Jasper says. "Be with your wife. I will take responsibility for Edward. It makes sense. We are both unattached."

Carlisle stares down at me, but when he shakes his head, it is Jasper he means it for. "No."

"Carlisle?" Esme is confused. She still doesn't understand what I need.

He turns to look at his wife. "I am sorry," he says, pain in his voice. "Edward needs me."

"It could be anyone," Jasper says. "Am I right, Edward? It could be anyone?"

I hang my head. I can't look at Esme now. "It must be a man," I whisper.

Esme gasps as she realises the truth. "My God," she rasps. "Carlisle? Have you been...? With Edward? Oh no."

"I had to keep him alive," Carlisle says. "Please understand. I couldn't let him die."

"But it could have been anyone? Carlisle?" She holds her hand to her mouth again, shaking her head in disbelief. It is too much for her to understand. She is heartbroken over what has happened to me, and she doesn't want me to die, but Carlisle is her husband and she trusted him not to betray her.

I step back away from Carlisle because I don't want to hurt her but my whole body aches with it. I need to be close, to someone, anyone. I need to be touched, to be taken. I look from Emmett to Jasper to Carlisle. "Please," I whisper so low I can barely hear it myself. "I need..." My stomach clenches, spasms. Pain and need combine. I want them all. One after another. I want to be filled, over and over and over again.

Jasper shoves Carlisle out of the way, pushing him toward his wife. My maker glances back at me before moving to comfort his panicked wife. And Jasper takes me by the arm and drags me aside.

"I've had relations with men before, Edward," he says. "I'll give you what you need."

I know he will. I see it in his thoughts. He'll fuck me hard and fast, and he'll fuck me again and again. He'll never tire of fucking me, and I won't have to hear his guilt because his wife is dead. I lick my lips and fail when I try to control my lust. I see it overcome him, and he starts to lead me away.

Carlisle's arm snakes out and takes me by the other wrist. "No." He abandons his shocked wife as he pulls me away from Jasper, but Jasper won't let go of my arm. He's overwhelmed with lust and he lashes out.

Carlisle is older, stronger, and more in control of his emotions. He hits Jasper with a firm hand to the chest and Jasper flies back, his grip torn from my arm, and he hits the wall behind him. Only then does Carlisle let go of me, and he moves to stand over Jasper, looking down into Jasper's shocked face.

"I'm sorry," he says, more calmly than the situation would indicate. "I can't risk losing him. I'll be the one to keep him alive."  _I don't trust anyone else with Edward's life._

Esme screams after him as Carlisle comes to claim me.

I cast one final look back at Jasper. Images flick through his mind, thoughts of him and me as we could have been. As we could be.

Then I follow Carlisle out of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed reading, please hit the [Kudos ♥] button.
> 
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